Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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