Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
