get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
