She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
