So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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