Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
