I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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