The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
