do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if only i could text you this smell
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
