After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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