I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
