and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
