i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
there's paper in my vomit.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
