I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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