i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
