I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
porn star boner night. come get it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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