i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
