Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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