He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
