With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
