I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
