i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
