Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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