____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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