I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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