You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
