I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
