Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
