need another drink. this is the easiest way
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
