i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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