Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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