the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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