Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
