I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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