If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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