cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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