It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
