yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You ate ashes out of my bong
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
