I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
