i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
