...so i touched it.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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