420 ftw
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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