News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
