Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
