Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
