I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
