I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
