Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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