just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
