You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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