roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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