After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
