i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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