I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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