I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
