If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
