Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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