so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
