I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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