you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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