'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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