Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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