He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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